I live in such a bubble in Thailand that I have removed myself from ‘reality’ and it’s insidous brainwashing of patriarchy. You see I didn’t want to be fed lies, and fear from national television and newspapers that only feed a ‘coloured’ version of what the ‘authorities’ want us to hear and see.

I didn’t want to be told how to live and how ‘to behave’ as a woman.

I left the system. Fuck the system – really. I don’t agree with patriarchy, I never did and I never will. Maybe though I became so removed from the obvious truth – that I missed the point of something so very, very important.

It took an awful situation like an unconscious women, sexually assaulted.

Then; (if that wasn’t bad enough) having to face the reality that the ‘system’ was only interested in the abusers swimming achievements. God forbid his career is destroyed by ‘this 20 minute’ ordeal.

I replied to a thread. I signed the petition to remove the judge but I missed the point.

I’m an energy worker you see. I work regularly with trauma. I hear stories that are so disgusting and barbaric not just from women but from men also; that I can tell you sexual trauma is so fucking widespread. Those 20 minutes to that girl put her in the public eye. Then a clearly sociopathic asshole ‘decided’ that a swimming career was more important than what had been stolen from her.

Those 20 minutes to that girl robbed her of her of her soul, her heart, her hopes and dreams because sexual assalt destroys lives.

I replied to a thread but my reply was too broad. I stated that children needed to be heard, changes needed to be made. Men have been raped also and what I missed was the point. There are thousands, millions of women out there that have been abused one way or another and made to feel like it was their fault or kept quiet simply because it is fucking unspoken knowledge that rape is never taken seriously by the ‘justice system’.

I missed the point that we live in a world that values achievements, money and power over humanity, emotional wellbeing and personal safety. A world that chooses to prey on the vulnerable which is in this case; women.  

These are the mothers of our children.

Patriarchy. The trauma women go through.I missed the point that thousands of women felt the trauma again of what that poor girl went through and then felt their own. And thousands of women’s cries were when is rape going to be seen for the life destroying, barbaric, energy stealing, power taking torture that it is?

When is rape going to be seen as something that destroys the sisters of this earth?

You think that rape and violence just affects one person? It rips apart families, the trauma stays in the body without the proper help, therapy and affects a woman on every level of her psyche. It is not just 20 fucking minutes. I should know.

And then we go into the ‘male privileged world’, the ‘patriarchy system.’ Lets dig a little deeper. I have suffered hugely at the hands of ‘patriarchy’. It began with Satanic Ritual Abuse – the attempt to mind control me and turn me onto some kind of puppet, amongst trauma that is unimaginable.

The memories were buried but my spirit knew.

At 7 years old I refused to be near my dad. I was forced to spend the weekends with him. I would scream and cry everytime he came near me. I was made to feel guilty because I was ‘hurting his feelings’ for making mine known. I was a sensitive child so I then took on my father’s guilt.

At 7 years old I even apologized and became a ‘good child.’

Throughout my childhood, regularly my grandfather babysat. I was the ‘special one’. At 10 years old once again I rebelled. I was made to feel guilty for hurting his feelings and once again made to apologize.

Anyone see a pattern here?

It was the women that were unconsciously re-enforcing the patriarchy in my family because we have all been programmed to ‘obey’ and keep quiet. That is patriarchy. Shut the fuck up. You are not important.

You are here to serve men.

At 12 years old my mother remarried. My stepfather would follow me around and smack my ass and undress me with his eyes. One day as I was walking out of the bathroom he slowly ran his finger down my back. I was wearing a towel and I felt my stomach turn in revulsion. I told my mum. She laughed it off and told me he was ‘being playful’.

When I left home willingly it was because it ‘was me or my stepfather.’ I was thrown out. By that time I was out of control. Ofcourse we didn’t want to ‘upset my stepfather’ now did we? It was with the clear message that we mustn’t upset ‘the men’.

I learned that my feelings were never important and that speaking up was futile because I would be punished.

What is this Draconian dark age we live under? If you are teaching women to shut up every time they are abused/traumatized or violated that will end up as a backlash against men which is already happening. There are many men that do not deserve to be the whipping boy of the inequality that has effected every women on this planet.

I missed the point of the thread because I had stepped away from the feminine injustice, living in my bubble in Thailand and was looking at the pain that is inflicted universally, on all humans, animals and the way we are destroying this planet.

I forgot what it was like to be a woman on earth because I removed myself from the insanity and now I am remembering.

My childhood silent ‘programming’ was ‘you’re a women, men abuse you, its normal.’ I wore that frequency within me like an antenna for more abuse. I walked this earth enduring the same trauma over and over again until I made the decision:

“If I am going to be molested and abused then I’m going to make money out of it and get the fuck out of the system.”

Patriarchy. Abigail Pattman.I became a stripper. I bought property and finally I got out. It was the fastest way to make money. To make money in a system that valued women’s bodies and looks over their souls and importance as sentient beings on this earth. If patriarchy turned women into objects then I was going to take advantage of that.

Still my heart cries for that girl that knew that the only way she could escape was to jump right in at the deep end and get paid for the unwanted sexual attention that men gave her. I didn’t have further education because I didn’t know what I wanted to be when fucking I grew up. I didn’t care.

I was too damaged to give a shit. 

I rose to the top of the club. I owned my job and I was freakishly good at it having spent my childhood fending off perverts and being used and abused. What a strange thing to be. So messed up emotionally, mentally and traumatized that that was my solution to my problems. It worked.

I got the fuck out of the system.

And here’s my promise to the ‘system’. As long as I am alive I will challenge you. As long as I am alive I will expose the cruelty in this world. As long as I am alive I will remember my sisters and the huge strength and courage it takes to say no to the ‘system.’ To stand up and speak out against rape and violence. And as long as I am alive I will fight for the protection of the vulnerable.

Patriarchy divides men and women. It allows men to get away with insane evil. It teaches men that women are ‘over emotional’ objects and that they are here to serve them.

It teaches women they are not important. To dress, act and behave a certain way so that they are found desirable.

To shut the fuck up and not have a voice.

It damages men because there is a world of angry sexually traumatized women out there that have a fury burning inside them that lashes out.

Many men really do think we are here to serve them. Get real.

Sensitive guys suffer. They are being punished for crimes they did not commit in relationships. Women close their hearts.

Patrairchy. The destruction of the divine feminine.When women close their hearts we lose the most precious thing of all; the divine feminine which we need so desperately to bring back to earth.

Children are traumatized because the mother daughter/son relationship can not be healthy and trauma is passed on through the DNA.

It’s a vicious circle. A woman who has shut down her feminine in order not to receive anymore abuse becomes hardened and bitter.

Everybody suffers.

It’s not easy for a woman to open up again in a patriarchal system, to allow her heart and soul to shine through. It takes a lot of courage. I honour and cherish the ones that have and the men that are on their path to true healing. I have myself, been in 11-12 years of self healing. My heart is wide open but I am very careful who I share it with.

We as humans need to stand up and whistle blow more, name and shame.

Rebel, refuse and say no not just for our own sanity but for the future generations. We need to show our sons and daughters that real men protect their wives, daughters, women. They teach their boys to respect and honour. Conscious women need to stop allowing their boys ‘to be boys.’

To stop teaching their daughters that they need to ‘look a certain’ way to attract love, that they are nothing without a man.

It really is time to tear down this disgusting system that creates pain, separation and false illusions of what men and women should be. Lets wake up and push for change shall we?

We need more people to be courageous.

To step forward and tell their story so that others can wake up from their sleep and realize that this is not a ‘safe world.’ Real evil exists. Sorry new age light bubbles.

You too are brainwashed by something called ‘New Age.’

Are we going to let it continue?

Or are we going to start pushing back and saying ‘no’ to this insanity?

I’ll be interested to see what response I get… xxx

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