Emotional Alchemy: Behaving Badly…
Really? A personal exploration of how a lover’s behavior can bring out my best…
Behaving Badly: Marilyn Monroe
Marilyn Monroe, I love her, beautiful, captivating, sensual, oozing potent, feminine energy and shamelessly herself, behaving badly and proud of it!!
When I first read this comment I felt like screaming Yeesssss from the rooftops, texting it to my beloved, posting it on my FB page for all men to see!!! We want to be accepted with all of our craziness, our PMS, ever-changing feelings, swirling collaborations of undefined emotions and dare I say it… a touch of neuroses?
Behaving Badly: Holding Space
Wouldn’t it be great to find the ultimate loved one? The one that could stay calm through our storms, hold presence and love and never sway in the adoring embrace of comfort, compassion and empathy… What a dream… (What a dream!!!)
On the surface level this comment is so fitting. We have all had moments in our life where we have felt ‘abandoned emotionally’, our loved one has become frustrated, even angry with our ‘emotional response’ instead of ‘rational, logical, mind orientated solutions’. When I’m all jumbled up emotionally, I actually don’t always know what is wrong or what to do… The biggest gift for me is if someone can step in at that moment, just take control, hug me, help navigate me back to sanity, but the most important thing of all is to hold space. Holding space with love, compassion and centeredness is the most wonderful gift that any of us have to offer to each other in times of trouble…
- When space is ‘held’ it gives someone permission to be themselves.
- Permission to safely steer themselves back to truth and alignment and to express whatever is jumbled up inside.
- Holding space is a quality I really value in another human being…
However!!! There’s another level to this quote, and I feel it is very important to bring it into the light. If I’m behaving my worst, does that mean I’m expecting my lover to allow me to indulge in behaving like a brat? It’s an honorable question, one that deserves contemplation. A loved one is not a surrogate mum or dad who is ‘stuck’ with our temper tantrums, and… women and men are really guilty of times when they are in true toddler mode.
Should I expect my lover to ‘handle’ this? My answer is no. The person I choose to share my heart, soul and body with is someone that I would like to evolve with. If my behavior is unconscious and uncomfortable I would prefer it to be exposed so that I can be a better woman. Don’t indulge me. Please! Tell me. Give me the opportunity to change some aspect within me that is out of date and no longer necessary. Expose me. It’s raw, it’s painful but who wants to repeat bad behavior over and over again? No. Thank you.
Behaving Badly: Help Me
So please DON’T indulge my bad behavior, DO question my motives. Ask me WHY I said what I did, behaved that way or pulled that face? What is going on behind my attitude? And listen to the answer!!! When we really take time to think about our behavior or actions, it’s amazing what surfaces and changes… DON’T counter-act my behavior with some attack strategy to make me the ‘guilty one’. Attacking me or criticizing me will only cause more drama. Step out of the story.
A person behaving badly is a person in that moment who is struggling emotionally, a person in pain. See beyond the story; tread water rather than being carried away in a rip tide. The most perfectly suitable lover for me is someone that not only enjoys the very best of me but doesn’t take any shit from me. A lover who has the ability to bring insight and loving awareness into my worst which, inevitably provides a space for me to cultivate my worst into a something a little bit better… So behaving badly becomes a chance to grow and open in awareness…
Behaving Badly: Thank You Marilyn
So… Thank you Marilyn, thank you for being one of the greatest, sexiest icons of the last century, for combining light, playful and sexy, sizzling in one package and for wanting to be loved in any condition. Thank you!!! I’m just bringing my own desires within a modern day twist of how I’d like things to be for my own growth and transformation. Maybe something a little like this…
‘I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure, I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times am hard to handle. But please don’t take any shit from me, I want to be my best for you and at times I may need your help to do that. This way my very best gets better and better and you will be the recipient of my love which can only grow stronger and stronger and deeper and deeper…’ (That sounds far more exciting).